who's life sucks the most
by Dr.mcsteamy
Summary: one-shot where meredith and amelia kinda/sorta play who's life sucks the most. amelia finally tells meredith about her unicorn baby


meredith and amelia talk about their problems/fix them but not really mer's bc you couldn't fix them all in a one shot

Meredith sat at the counter of the kitchen looking through a photo album that her younger sister had made seven or eight years ago. Meredith was freaking out because Carolyn Shepherd was coming into town to meet her, so the gang helped her make the frat house seem more "homey". Izzie baked and cleaned, George hid her stashes of tequila, and Lexie made the picture album.

Today would have been Lexie's 32 birthday. She should be 32, and celebrating but instead she is buried in the ground. Once tears were rolling down her face, Amelia opened the door. Meredith closed the book, sat on it, and pretended to scroll through her phone.

"You're not fooling me, your phone isn't even on," Amelia said with a chuckle. When she looked up, Amelia saw her eyes were red, and she had obviously been crying. Amy knew that Meredith needed help, but would never admit it. She would have to go at this from a different angle. "I'll tell you my problems if you tell me yours."

"What?" Meredith said with a throat so scratchy it sounded as if she hadn't spoken in years

"This is a sisterly thing, you cry about your problems I cry about mine, nobody tells anybody else. My sisters did this all the time. So what is it boy troubles, or work troubles?"

"You go first"

"Okay. Well I still can't face Owen at work. We had that huge fight about babies the other week."

"I thought you wanted babies"

"I do but, talk about babies brought me back some bad memories from L.A., and I don't know how to tell him about them"

"Spill. Sorry, I mean, what happened"

"The only people that know were my friends in L.A., and I told Alex."

"Not even Derek?"

"No"

"I'm good at keeping secrets. I kept my mothers Alzheimer's a secret for 5 years."

"You never talk about her," Amelia said, slightly wanting to change the subject. She knew that if she was going to tell a person she should tell Meredith though, because she as just as screwed up as she was.

"Your problems first," Meredith chimed in about a millisecond later.

"Back in L.A., I did a lot of drugs, with my boyfriend Ryan," Amelia stated as Meredith nodded along. "One night we decided we were going to get clean, married, and start a family. He wanted to flush our last bag of drugs down the toilet and start going to meetings. I said that we should finish it. So we did." Amelia swallowed as Meredith interrupted-

"What does this have to do with babies"

"I'm getting there. I woke up the next morning and he was cold, and not breathing. He overdosed and died in his sleep." Amelia cried out with a tear rolling down her cheek. "20 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with his baby. Addie did the ultrasound, and he was sick. Anencephalic," Amy choked out, barely breathing.

"Ryan was the one you loved most"

"What," Amelia choked out

It was silent. Meredith could hear Amelia's voice from last year telling her "Last year you told me that I didn't know what it was like to cry over the body of the person you love the most. I did.," Amelia glanced at her, confused.

"What?"

"During the shooting. I've never really talked about this before. I was um... pregnant. That day. Christina and I thought the pages were just a drill, and we were walking around the hallways looking for Derek so I could tell him. Christina followed because she wanted to see him cry."

Amelia laughed, "that sounds like something Yang would say"

Meredith continued, "We found him on the catwalk, with Gary Clark pointing a gun at his chest. Chris had her hand over my mouth and I was sobbing. Derek finally talked him down and then April runs onto the catwalk screaming his name."

Amelia says "I've never really heard how it happened"

Meredith wiped a tear off of her cheek and continued, "Yang was getting a gurney, and she left me there, holding his chest, trying to stop the hemorrhage."

"Meredith!" Amelia gasped

"Just let me finish. Down in the O.R. we couldn't find an attending, so Christina and Jackson had to do it. April held my hand while we sat on the floor of the scrub room. Then Owen walked in to the room to 'check on things' and I got suspicious. Inside the O.R. was the gunman, who had the gun to Christina's head. He kept screaming at her to stop fixing him."

At this point Amelia's face was covered with tears.

"I did the only thing I knew to do. I told him he was after Lexie, Richard, and Derek. His wife had died. I was his eye for an eye. Lexie was my sister, Richard was basically my father, and Derek was my husband. The gun was pointed at my chest. Then Christina told him I was pregnant. Owen tried to take him out but got shot in the shoulder. Jackson pulled out Derek's leads and told Clark he was about to die. I didn't know this of course. The monitor flatlined. Derek was my life. My life was over."

"I'm sorry. For saying that. For this big fight."

"Thanks. I'm sorry too I guess."

"Finish the story."

"I took Owen into the next O.R., and started working on his shoulder. It was a through and through. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and then all of a sudden blood was rushing down my thighs. I lost the baby."

Amelia gave Meredith a tight hug and surprisingly enough, Meredith hugged her back.

"I'm sorry Mer."

''Me too. You could've told me about this before. I think I've proved to be a pretty good sister." Meredith pulled back from the hug and asked "Are you going to tell Owen, because I think he could help you. I never really talked to Derek about this stuff but I wish that I did."

"Yeah I guess. Not now though, maybe in a week or two. Was that what your problem was about, the shooting?"

"No. Well, not really."

"Can I see the book?," Amy asks as Meredith slides is across the counter. They start flipping through the pages and Meredith points out all of her friends.

"That's me and George, izzie was trying to teach us how to bake but I almost burned the house down."

"Aww.. you guys were so young, where's George now," Amy asks, laughing at Meredith's face.

"Umm, he died, got hit by a bus, but he donated all of his organs." Meredith says, sipping her drink.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry!" Amelia exclaimed, noticing the look on Meredith's face was suspicious. "Is George your problem!?"

"No, yes, maybe, I don't know! It's more like the book. Or the people in it. Today is Lexie's birthday. She would have been 32 today. She made this book when your mother was coming into town. Everyone was helping to make the house look 'presentable', hiding my tequila stashes. Lexie made this book and put it on the table."

"This is kinds nice! This house is really like a hotel though! I worked with Lexie once. She was awesome, and I could tell Derek loved being her big brother."

Meredith starts flipping through the pages. "Left, dead, dead, dead, left, left, dead. Like a hotel of death or something."

"Derek always said you were dark, or scary, or twisty or something like that."

"Dark and twisty. Old nickname,"

"Any other nicknames you'd be willing to share?"

"Medusa, Big Grey, Dirty Mistress, Slutty Intern, Death, Butterfingers, Child of Darkness, the perfect 12 year-old, you?"

"Mostly stuff like The Junkie, Hurricane Amelia, Shepard's little sister, the Other Shepard. The perfect 12 y/o was Addison but Butterfingers?"

"Bailey gave me that one after I dropped a kidney on the floor. Anyways I think that my problem is about everyone dying or leaving. Except me, I mean I have cheated death a billion times over. I've been dead for 3 hours. If we play a game of who's life sucks the most I'd win"

"Even with all he dead fiancé and baby stuff?"

"By a mile. Ellis Grey was a terrible mother. My life was hell until I met Derek. There really isn't anything anyone can say to make it better."

"We don't really have to play."

"Because I'd win."

"Thanks for talking with me about the um... Ryan stuff. And I know I only let Derek call me Amy but I guess you can too"

"You're welcome. But you have to promise not to tell anyone I was talking about feelings and mushy gooey stuff with you"

"Goodnight Mer." Amy said trying to hold back a laugh.

"Goodnight Amy" Meredith said, looking at the picture of her and Lexie. Lex would have been proud of how far she made it.


End file.
